Take em out to pasture: the Colts

I don’t even want to write this article. That’s how awful this team is. A Gm who tried to troll his way out of the job, teammates who don’t want to be there, the richest man in the VFL, a staff member accused of being toxic, and a medical condition that you should truly go see a doctor for. Who thought this sounded like a good team to draft. A Cat, that’s who. Fucking Meow Grof, also known as he who shall not be named, the owner who traded his own grandpa. Cats just fucking suck, I said it, come at me.

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We really thought this was a good idea for owner. TWICE!

The owners line. What can I say about this group. First off, how the FUCK did yall let Rigs get so many yards and touchdowns last season? Yes you, reading this, I am talking about you specifically. Sure as shit wasn’t my line. Rigs got put in a snuggie by good ole Brisket, that beautiful man mmmmm. Anyways, no clue what yall are trying to do, but do better, I expect nothing more than an under 30th place finish for Rigs this season. Then there is the quarterback, if his drafting skills show us anything, its that he aint got a fucking clue what he is doing. Just out there pressing A to handoff to rigs, and then closing his eyes and saying please Jesus don’t let this be picked. Atrocious. Meow Minotaur runs routes like a damn bull in a china shop so the name kinda fits. Dumb cat + bull =what the fuck. 3-9 line FOR SURE.

Rumor of highwalker investing all in Luna. Bad move CryptoBro

Ace, Highwalker, and Rusty. Interesting decision by the guy that scratches posts here. Before we get into the juicy bits, lets talk Rusty. The RB that led this 2/3 to a Superbowl win over the other 1/3. A very good DC that can confuse QBs by running a lot of different looks on defense. Not to mention he runs good routes and doesn’t get to fancy with the ball. Think Peyton Hillis when running. He will definitely be the bread and butter of this line….if it is a line (that’s foreshadowing dumbasses). The Bill Gates of the VFL is our next target. I am utterly confident that he just grabbed wads of hundreds out of his pocket change and gave them to the other team to give him catches and ints last season. Nothing else explains it. I spotted highwalker catching balls from the JUGs machine (he looked disheveled, hair a mess, like he hadn’t slept in days) and got a couple words in. “I’m done for bro, I put all my money in Luna and those fucking cucks screwed me. I have nothing left, I’m broke.” Well, looks like that’s the end of his career, no more all-star days from that wr. Lastly we have Ace. He was the Superbowl runner up last season, although I’m shocked he ever sent a line in to even play in the bowl. Great QB that made the mistake of playing with Mr. “make my QBs throw a billion picks”. Rumor has it Ace and Walker Texas Ranger can’t get along and one of them is on the outs. This line went straight Hiroshima fast.

The last time we saw Marc at QB, it went well

Marcdog, Willy, and Pstain. Kinda sounds like a really bad 80s boy band if you ask me. Willy is the goat at RB, bar none. Don’t argue with me, I write the articles therefore I am the law so shut up. Last time we saw Marcdog at QB he had an undefeated playoff run with the Chiefs and then decided to stop. When i asked him why he switched positions he said “Listen, I had enough of the QB life, people try to hit me all day. Plus being so great that all I do is piss excellence is tough, ya know?” Real humble, that Marc guy. Go back to the funky bunch and singing about good vibrations pal. Pstain, seriously go to the hospital dude, we are all concerned. Last season, was it all Ponchy, or was it Pstains greatness. We shall soon see. I look for this line to carry this team to the playoffs.

I look for this team to go 10-26 to the playoffs. Where highwalkers lies about paying opponents while he is broke will catch up to them and the Colts get curbstomped out of round 1.