Tag: philadelphia eagles

The Eagles have (crash) landed

Now that the draft has concluded, I was asked for a season preview of the Eagles. Well it may be a season review already, because this shit might be cooked. Led be fearless leader Areis x21, the Eagles are potentially set to make history this season, but lets get into the players first.

Areis seen here after leaving the training facility

Areis and gm Hutch have played together for as long as this writer can remember, which isn’t very long but I digress. A great duo that is always counted on to put up some great stats, yes I can hear farah shouting bum hunting from here, they are going to be relied on to lead this team. Do they put up the monster win totals? More likely they put up a fat old goose egg, and Areis still is in the db of the year talk for some reason. Rounding out this line with King Jon, who I personally feel extremely sorry for, he will be expected to carry these two stat hounds on his back to victory.

Taking the if we can’t beat em, max bid em strategy, Areis max bid GrandpaWarpath. Probably not the smartest move since Areis was once known as saying “I just lost to something called a GrandpaWarpath, my career is over.” They paired him up with JPxProdigie, a man who rarely has had good qbs and im afraid it isnt going to start now. Rounding out this line is Goodfella, who reports are has had to be restrained in the locker room as he is like a horny teenager. Can JP make due with the Eagles menagerie of midget DBs? only time, or myself, will tell. (pst. the answers fuck no!)

Artist rendering of JP trying to tackle the saints mark ingram, normally a diminutive human

Line 3 in all reality is going to have to carry this team. Underrated league veteran Kdot will be harassing qbs and defenses alike as a rb/dl user. As one of the leagues better sack artists last year he should be excellent at getting Cox through the tightest of holes. Sneaking onto the team are Playstation players Slickthumbs (YSK till we die), and iclap. The team will probably miss week one after getting THE clap during our team bonding exercise, but these three guys may shock a few and ruin the 0-36 plan.

No one can predict a season outright, but i am awfully confident that this is a dumpster fire just waiting to be lit on fire, highlight of the season will probably be watching gen chat between Areis and whoever he’s arguing with today.



Owner: Areis

7th Ranked Team (Picked 5th)

Positional Ranks:

Quarterback 6th

Running Back 8th

Receiving Core 9th

Offensive Line 4th

Front Seven 7th

Back End 5th

The Eagles come in as my 7th ranked team in the draft. This is where things got hard for me with so many teams coming up that I grade close together. One thing I really like on this offense is the offensive line (especially if they are able to sub Brandon Brooks in). Other than that they have an OK running back, a fast but weak armed QB in Jalen Hurts, and some low overall receivers. I think that the offense will thrive off big plays from players like Devonta Smith and Quez Watkins (98 Speed).

On the defensive line you will find two good players in Javon Hargrave, Brandon Graham and Fletcher Cox. The secondary also has some good players like superstar Darius Slay and corner Avonte Maddox (93 Speed). There is nothing to talk about at linebacker on this team, but I could see the defensive line causing some issues this year against some fairly weak offensive line play.

The Eagles are really good in the trenches which helps them be a balanced football team. Areis needs to find himself some good receivers in the draft to utilize the speed this team has. On defense the biggest need would be a good user linebacker to figure out what to do on that second level. This team has some game-changing pieces on it that with right draft picks could do some real damage. It’s nice to see another team with a good kick returned in Quez Watkins.