Category: front news

place front new posts here. make sure to have a pic in it.

The Dolphins, drowning in a sea of excrement.

What do you get when you combine the leagues two greatest trolls, the most traded player in VFL history, and whatever the hell a Blunkey is? Hot, hot garbage, that’s what. Frankly, I am not sure where to start with this team. It is completely embarassing to call this a team.

I guess might as well start with line one. One of the greatest WR to play in the VFL has switched to QB for the season. Gabe is a super intelligent player and knows the game inside and out. He truly may be the best madden player around. However he has Kuhrow at WR. For three of the last 4 seasons, Kuhrows QBs have led the league in INTs. I don’t see that trend changing, because I always bet on the garbage. With no gunslinger to speak of, I believe this season Kuhrow will complain about the dolphins 68ovr average offensive line. By the end of week one, I see Kuhrow shoving Gabe to the bench and playing QB himself and throwing to himself because “the 12x mvp, 32x Wroty doesnt need a damn quarterback, i am the greatest QB to not play QB this year. QB is super easy, that’s why I never sign up as one.” As I left the field talking to them Kuhrow grabbed me for a quote and said “I am going to make the whole league take a deuce in their pants.” Dumbfounded, I stared and asked “Why, wouldn’t you just say make them shit themselves like normal trash talk?” I was forced to walk away shaking my head.

Kuhrow used his GM money to get a nice shiny new facility

Line 2 has another first time QB on their hands. Destined to rival the leagues current interception record is Ebok. From a great Rb to the QB switch, I’m starting to sense a trend of “We don’t give a shit we are doing whatever.” This writer can’t deny being a little perturbed that the Dolphins are clearly aiming to beat out the Eagles as the first 0-36 team in league history. I won’t stand for this. Ebok will be throwing to Bwall a WR I have wanted to play with since my 2 day practice window I had with him before he was unceremoniously removed from the Bucs way back in season 2. The man is very good at getting open, but will he be able to stand Eboks constant trolling? The rub on all this is Ebok is bound to be suspended by week 2 when him and Kuhrow file random tickets on each other despite playing on the same team. These two frenemies just can’t get out of each others way.

Line 3 has Mr. Blunkey at the helm. this singer/QB needs to get his act together as rumor has it Ebok is already looking for his replacement. Working with a great WR in Never Practices, who as his name suggests….doesn’t practice . What he will do, is get very upset if he doesn’t get his receiving yards so you better step your game up Blunkey. Can he make it work, my calculations put it at a 33.33% chance of success, repeating of course. Leroy Jenkins couldn’t help this team out if he tried. Of course, I will not go once this season without mentioning Blunkey without referencing his beautiful song. Run off into the sunset little Sebastian.

https://youtu.be/SXwJIIxGZlo

I have absolutely nothing bad to say about the teams running back trio. Smoove is a monster of a runningback. Picking up DaAccountant to do the teams taxes, and harass QBs was a genius move. And T1anime is a nose to the grindstone type of worker that I love.

VBA Season 1 Owner Interviews: Pre-Season

Welcome to the beginning of owner interviews. Each week I will be picking two owners for them to answer questions. One owner from the West and one owner from the East will be chosen.

The owner from the West that will be interviewed today is Call Me Kylee, the owner of the grizzlies!

Question 1: What made you want to choose Cleveland Cash as your gm?

Answer: Honestly just wanted a good player as the GM because it’s basically a free player so no reason to have a bum in that spot, we ran a lot of in house games prior to the owner announcements.

Question 2: Having the #1 overall pick of the player draft gave you a huge decision to make. What made you trade away Switzo, but also trade away your second pick Kurupted?

Answer: Honestly I thought switzo knew Kurupted like that and Kurupted wasn’t replying to my messages so I thought he wanted out as well but found out after we traded him that he barely even knew switzo and would of played with us 

The reason we traded switzo was because draft night he made us look stupid saying trade me in the twitch chat multiple times so I gave him his request by trading him

Question 3: How well do you believe your team will do this season, even knowing that you have some tough competitors in the West?

Answer: Honestly we got a decent chance mizzark team gonna be good they got a few Chicago hoppers there aka best 2k city users around. The suns gonna be good as well once they figure out there bookers I think ruthless should be on booker

Question 4: Do you have anything you’d like to say to Switzo and Kurupted right now for the league to see? If not, anything you’d like to tell the league?

Answer: Definitely regret trading Kurupted he’s been on my teams in past years where we won this league. But for the league I’m excited to play this season and good luck to all the other teams

The team in the east that will be interviewed today is the Heat. Gabe iLy, the GM of the Heat, will be interviewed and answering questions for both of them!

Question 1: What made you and Fab decide to join together as Owner and GM after Farah decided to step away?

Answer: We’ve played with and against each other going back to 2k16 and it’s always fun. Coming into this season we both talked about maybe teaming up and Farah stepping down gave us an opportunity to do so

Question 2: If you had the opportunity to pick your own team, would you have still picked the Heat? If not, then why?

Answer: No, they are a great defensive team but with how potent defense is on this game, great users can make up for a lack of good d players like butler or bam… The real difference between top 2k teams is the star power at ball handler.. Guys like Ja, harden, curry, Murray,etc put so much pressure on a defense with their ability to change direction so quickly 3 hunt and also attack the paint…. Heat don’t really have that which is unfortunate… I would’ve likely traded down and picked the Nuggets

Question 3: Who do you believe is your biggest competition in the East going into the season?

Answer: Def the sixers with their most recent acquisitions of switzo and kurrupted who in my opionon are 2 of the best players in the league.. that gives them Elite users on the 2 most important roles on the team (harden and joel)… They have a better 2k team than us aswell.. I’m still confident we will come out of the east but I’m curious to see how some of these teams perform.. *Celtics users are good imo but that 2k team is by far the worst in the league which is y I don’t ultimately consider them our biggest competition*

Question 4: You and Fab drafted 4 players with the same clan tag in their names, who many people (including myself) have little clue of who they are. Can you give us some insight on how they will perform on a line together compared to yours? Will the league be surprised by them?

Answer: Yes, Farah was very keen on getting his line (the 👑 clan) that he plays pretty much everything together with.. I am excited to see them perform and I do expect them to be very competitive based on how much experience and chemistry they have with each other

Thank you to both Kyle and Gabe for taking some time to be interviewed. New owners will be interviewed on week 1.

The $aints come Marching

“The Jake Paul of the VFL” is taking his third stab at owner this season after two seasons that you could say were….disappointing at the least. Luckyy started things off with tabbing runningback Del as his GM. Rumors that Del thought he got blacklisted if he turned down a GM spot and didn’t know that some of the Saints players were bugged are not a great way to start things off.

I’ll be honest here. I am not sure what the lines are overall, but assuming line one is Luckyy, Del, and r3dhour. This line has some chemistry from last season with the Chiefs when Mr. Paul and R3d played together. Good news, reports today stated Luckyy can make his fgs now. Bad news, you still gotta get in fg range. Del is a good runningback and an awful defensive line user. *Sidenote: I only say this because he stopped every run play I called for negative yardage last season so screw that guy.” With good defensive users and a great defensive roster, this line should cause some problems… for absolutely NOBODY.

Line 2 is headed by Ponchy, the only max bid to actually PAY a team to let him play for them. Pairing him with Outaker at WR/DL and Brisket at RB/DB is a good pairing. However we all know Ponchy HATES his users so Luckyy could have drafted literal potatoes here and there would be no difference offensively. Outaker is an amazing DL user, but how will not being able to peek into the opposing teams locker rooms affect his skill? it is yet to be known. Brisket is one of my favorite WRs in the league, I have a slight mancrush on his especially after he put me on his broad muscular back last season and whisked me away during those lonely starry nights. God the things I would… whops getting carried away those thoughts are for my *secret* site.

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Frankly, I don’t think its fair that we are letting Beaste play for two teams this season. It’s wrong and a travesty. Wait, what the fuck is a mocarbone? I have on good authority that it is Beaste. Have they ever been in a party together? Didn’t think so. MocarBeaste should have a good statiscial season with self proclaimed MVP Kwam3 and Jacc on his line. These boys are all business and have a winning pedigree that should help carry this squad to new heights.

I truly don’t know if its Mo, Beaste, or some to be named third person playing on this account

I see this team winning 8 games this season, sneaking into the playoffs and going full on Bountygate and paying other teams to lose en route to a superbowl appearance.

Hide your kids, Hide your wife, Cuz he’s Robin everyone out here.

Returning to the league is one of our resident bad boys of the league. Please stop swooning ladies, I know its hard to resist. He’s the man, the myth, the one man who is willingly taking up the name of second fiddle, RobinBanks.

This writer caught up with Mr. Banks about his recent draft and how he feels about his team. “I’m ready to get to work and super excited about the Falcons. I feel my skill level deserved a higher draft slot, its revenge season.” I feel a connection with Robin due to his fandom of the Baltimore Ravens, but if we see him in a white suite, it may be time to run the other way.

Ya, nope, not getting me today Satan

Banks has been suspended a couple times, and as such was a bit of a risk to draft. This question had to come up in our interview process, here is what he had to say. “I’m nearing 30 years old and had to realize I can’t always get my way, even when I feel something is wrong. There won’t be any issues with me this season.”

Switching to RB from QB is an interesting, if not completely difficult switch and Banks has his sights set high. “I want that RBOTY award, playing with my buddy dirty falcon, whos an amazing QB allows me to be a dual threat.” I’m not so sure about desiring to play with a QB whos name is synonymous with “Trash Trash” is the right move, but hey more power to ya.

Banks, seen here at the practice facility, trying to take a handoff from Falcons

Asked for any last words, “I’m very excited for this season. Falcons had a great playoff run and should have played in game 7. He knows I will do my part. This season is all about dominating!” Yes, We all know his line wouldn’t have shaded outside on the goaline. To soon? Hell no.

All I know, when it’s time for other defenses to put their deposit in the bank, they need to watch out, because the Falcons are gonna be Robin.

The Washington Redskins,Football Team, Commanders are the greatest, and they are telling everyone.

If you’ve been in the league for more than thirty seconds, I am sure you have heard all about how great the Washington Commanders team is. Whether its THREE THOUSAND TIME SUPERBOWL CHAMP Beaste owning the team, or REGULAR SEASON GOAT Champ as the max bid QB, there certainly is a lot of reason for optimism.

Have to start off things here with Beaste and his line. I caught up with Beaste after his prolonged vacation for a rather awkward interview. “I’m back from my BULLSHIT suspension and im gonna fu….” I noticed him look over his shoulder and see the league staff with their ban hammer at the ready and he got oddly quiet. Paired with his brother, who doesn’t speak for himself becuase Beaste does that for him, and Clutchking this line is going to be very formidable. My prediction, this line goes 5-0 until Beaste ends up taking another early vacation, then 0-7 to finish things out.

Beaste spent his offseason time looking menacingly off in the distance

Line two is an old retread in the League, Champ, Farah, and Klay. This line has often produced great regular seasons, and not so great playoff runs. Champ is a regular MVP candidate every season. I attempted to reach Farah for comment, however he was far to busy gagging on the WFT roster to get any kind of intelligent response out. I predict this line has at least two season award winners at the end of the year and somehow ends up with negative playoff wins. While leaving the locker room I swear I heard someone moaning “Apke!….Ya Forest you can have my box of chocolates!” Disturbing.

Yes, I would advise running to if I saw Farah coming into the building

Line 3 is an interesting one. League legend KoolAidz is back on this madden for a whopping THREE whole days. Man is a super intelligent QB, great decision maker. So much so, that he bought a damn Xbox one S instead of a Series S. I understand KoolWhip, life is hard. However he did correct this on draft day, I’m not bitter or anything not like my team was gonna draft him if he had the right console. (Fuck You) Paired with a human highlight reel in ungluedTiger should make for one hell of a squad. Although i am extremely concerned with the type of activites Mr. Tiger gets up to with a name like that, worst case is he fits right in. This line 100% is carrying this team to the promised land after everyone else falls apart after Beastes inevitable ban.

Qb and Rb showing so much love

Child as the number 1 pick? Please

Sav and the Steelers decided to open up the season 5 draft with a shocker. I had heard many names thrown around as potential number 1 picks. There were superbowl winning QBs from the Packers, Great WRs, DL players, but all of those were passed upon. Sav Sprinted to the podium, making his pick within about 10 seconds of being on the clock and threw down ChildPlease.

This reporter has a lot of experience with Child from our time together on the Cowboys, where he was my runningback. This is why, while some may be shocked, I actually love the pick. During this time, Child was always instrumental to the play calls. He was like having a second QB in the room. Although occasionally he liked to give defensive linemen free hugs.

Week 4 the plan was for him to take over at QB to give my arm a rest before the playoffs, but we decided against that. The rest was history with an epic playoff collapse by our team.

Last season I thought he was going to be a QB before being forced out of the spot, which i feel was a massive mistake. Child runs a similar offense to mine, but is much smarter with his reads and plays. Rarely making mistakes, he could be a great fit for the steelers team.

The biggest question is whether or not Ben will be fast enough to accommodate the QB wrap, and read option offense child likes so much. My guess is he will have to adjust a fair bit in that regard to change some things up.

Ive slobbed on Child a good amount in this article, but heres the rub. I really, really dont like the overall configuration of these users. Could this team come out to shock everyone? sure. As of right now you have a former MVP hopeful QB playing rb in Breesus. You have two of the league worst chargers QBs filling out the QB room, and you’ve got overall a lot of that chargers roster. I am hoping it works out better than last season or child may be enjoying some Cancun time early this season

Pre Season Power Rankings (Part 1)

Preseason Rankings (10-6)

10. Steelers

This is probably the easiest of all the rankings on this list. it seems like the draft was almost as bad as the steelers. With a weak draft and a weak madden team the season will be looking grim here. We will see from the start of the season that this team will live on the bottom. As the bottom feeding steelers look to scrape wins together there is no one to blame but their owner bottom feeder sir bottomis for this. Putting together by far the worst draft in the league. This seems to be the consensus.  On the plus side there is nowhere to go but up.

Players to watch- TBD

9. Raiders

A strong ownership with mr ohio but seems to be a lacking roster. With a strong madden team i am interested to see them climb the ranks within the season. Mr ohio is a veteran and knows how the inners of the league works and can keep a strong foot in the competitive door. But will be hard to do with a below average draft. Looking forward to see the playthrough here. The defensive play calling is going to be the ones to watch here the offense with an average play caller can be successful with this team.

 

Players to watch- ohio, Big Ty

8. Falcons

The falcons are a madden team who is a laugh. NO Dline to speak of a noodle arm of a QB no WR. The shining part of the team is at TE although there TE is a light in the darkness. There is going to be alot of struggles to overcome with this team. With a superbowl consistent QB in dirty falcons whom finds himself in a superbowl almost every other year. Myself who is coming back after a long hiatus. This season has a lot to be seen from the falcons. Couple that with a draft that did not go as planned. This season can easily find itself being a flop.

 

Players to watch- Dirty, Banks, Mccoy

7. Patriots

Shady has been around this league along time and knows the ins and outs here. Has been successful on many occasions but with the roster he has is a bit different than im used to and would like to see what he is capable of he still has a few of his guys with him. That he is used to playing with this team and roster could easily be bumped up on this list a slot or two. With players like tmo this team has potential as long as they are not limited by the patriots mediocrity.

 

Players to watch- TMO, Shady

6. Saints

The saints have one of the better Olines in the league with strong qb potential in ponchy there is alot of hope with this team. They may climb throughout the season and ponchy is a very confident player who believes he does not need big name talent to win games and from the outset his skill is high so we shall see if playing with the saints he can carry them to a dominate season not that it is out of possibility but can the roster meet the potential. 

 

Players to watch- Ponchy, Outaker, Del

VBA POWER RANKING PREDICTIONS

WESTERN CONFERENCE:

1. WARRIORS
I have always said that with the right users, the warriors can be as deadly as a Top 2 team in the game. Curry is one of the best players in the game with the curry slide under his bag. He is also one of the only guards to have gold fast twitch and gold giant slayer; with how easy it is to finish in the paint, he is practically unstoppable. With that being said, the warriors have dominated the draft. They picked up Chairz in the second round who is lights out with Draymond; with a line potentially being Mizzark, Eazy, Bama, Chairz, and GEE. They will hardly lose any games at all. They have chemistry, IQ, and stick; mix that with the potential of the warriors and they're in the right direction. They also figured out that looney can green corners and created a lineup of him and Draymond. This will surprise a lot of people because Looney is not the push over many people will think he is. Evidently, their second line has the potential to upset a lot of first lines. With Sorci, Rivals, Del, and load, they can easily beat anybody. With his draft being close to perfect, Mizzark is on his way to being #1 in the West. 
2. SUNS
The Suns have had a terrific draft. In terms of users, their potential is through the roof. In terms of the west, they may be one of the only teams that will give the Warriors a run for their money. With their first pick being MRxxUSERxxPICK, he has potential to lead his line to victory. I do not know who CJ2K is but from the games I played against him, he is completely lights out. From a bit more research, it seems as if he is a PROAM player. If he gets acclimated to team up, I do not think they will lose too many games. From our scrimmages against them, they have dominant defenders in Holly Blackwood, and King Jon. They also picked up Ruthless who is an amazing player. They have really great centers in Revolves and Kelz. However, I have three questions for this team. The question is whether or not they will reach their full potential. In a realistic world, x KING J0N x should switch to center where he strives at in order to give this team the edge over other teams. The question is whether he will leave his troll tendencies at wanting to play PG and actually do so. The other question is if they will give Ruthless the reigns on a line as he is probably the most consistent player on the team. If both scenarios happen, I think this team will be hard to stop.
3. Memphis Grizzlies
Kyle has been in an unfortunate spot where his first pick wanted to be traded and get out of the Memphis organization. However, there are a couple bright spots. In the VBA, the west is way easier than the east. Outside of the top two teams in the west, I do not see competition. Regardless of the trade, I still believe they will stun people and become a pretty good team. Cleveland Cash is still a dominant Ja Morant and will have to lead his line to almost every victory. They have a really good Steven Adams in Kyle. They have good role players in sacrifice, and clutch king. They know their role, plays great defense, and can shoot fairly well. Although their first line is dominant, I do not see many bright spots outside of them. With players like Post Kobe and BLKSUPERSAIYAN, I still do not see a second competent Morant who will make this team compete against the better users of the league. Post Kobe will be an amazing Steven Adams; the question is on whether he wants to play here. With the extra week, I will hope to see Kyle try to make some moves and try to fix that hole in their system.
4. Clippers
Honestly, the fourth spot will be a toss up between the clippers and Lakers but I do have the clippers with a slight edge for the sole fact that they have Woohdy, Traynor, and Shaun who will have to hard carry this team like they have never before. However, I am looking at this team like BBQ Chicken and feel like they are a free game. Outside of the three players mentioned, I do not see any great players who can compete. I think selecting LJ as their first round pick may have been their downfall. He is not a bad player, but he is far from a first round selection. They were able to trade him for Lucky Dabbs but he is definitely a better center than he is a guard; which is unfortunate because this is a guard heavy team. He still still solid but similar to Redhour and Buckeye, they aren't the difference makers or take over players that the clippers need in a Kawhi or Paul George. Bud and James are good bigs but there is not too much you can do with Zubac; he is a horse but is the slowest big man in the game. The team will rely on PG and Kawhi but I do not see 4 users capable of doing that which makes me think they will struggle tremendously against the other users in the league. I think their only hope is stacking a line and hoping they go undefeated.
5. LAKERS
In terms of team selection, I think this team had potential; their first trade they did to put themselves in position to acquire the Lakers made me think they were going to be on of the few teams that will upset a lot of the top teams; they seemed smart. However, once the draft started, that went downhill with their first pick selection. Just Smoove in the first round may be one of the worst picks with so much talent on the board; Smoove is far from horrible. He is actually a good defender and listens. However, he is not a first round player. Evidently, I see they are struggling in scrimmages and I see that they will continue to do so when the season starts. There are bright spots in terms of the GM himself, VONTHEGAMER, AND KING CHAMP. However, I do not see them winning many games despite how good the potential of the LAKERS are. 

EASTERN CONFERENCE:

1. HEAT
The heat are my favorite team on 2K to use and I full heartedly believe that oFAB and Gabe will lead this team to the potential it has. In terms of lines, they have pookdog, fab, gabe, jaydub, and kuhrow. Fab is one of the best 2K players in the league, Gabe is one of the better wings, and Kuhrow is one of the better centers; I think this line will dominate the east and will go toe to toe with all the other top lines. Off this line alone, I have them number 1 and coming out of the east. The question remains on how successful their second line will be and if they will solidify them as actual contenders in a star studded east. I do not believe there is one bad team in this conference. Therefore, a second line is extremely important and hopefully the "Kxng" clan will live up to their name.
2. NETS
I think the NETS are the most annoying team in the game with Ben Simmons at center; however, Radio has found something even more annoying. I do not know why it works but they have a line up of KD, Simmons, and Drummond. They just rim roll to your paint knowing the big has to contest and if he doesnt, the 2 other 7 footers will be there to get the board in position. It is one of the worst spacing I have seen of all time and I am astonished that it works but it will dominant the paint with how weak paint defense is. In terms of players, they are literally all friends and Radio picked up his boys. I am not too knowledgeable of what each player can do but from scrimmages and screenshots, it looks like they are headed in the right direction. They may be even come out of the east with not many people expecting this type of offense (it is the worst offense I have seen but it works).
3. MILWAULKEE BUCKS
The bucks are in a similar spot as the Nets; they have a dominant team with pretty good users. In terms of highlights, they have players such as Lord Relax, MJ313, woozy, and Aeta24. I do not have any more information on the other players but they are not bad at all. Regardless of who is on Giannis, they will average around 30 and 15 because of easy and dominant he can be. Any team can be at the top of the east because how even a lot of the teams are, but with the chemistry these dudes have, and the people I mentioned, I think they can easily make a run. 
4. Philadelphia 76ers
I think DRock had potentially the worst drafts of the league; however, he made up for it with the trade. They now have Switzo, Kurupted, and iBall Saver. Between those three on one line, they will dominate the East; they may even be undefeated. However, I have no hope for their second line. I think if I have to play their second line, I'm licking my lips because it is a stat game. They have drock, tmo, LJ, Sonic, and Stimothy. Stimothy is the only bright spot; the others aren't bad but as a collective, I do not see them winning that many games compared to the other teams in this conference. Although the first line is going to be really good, I have them 4th because of the precedence of toxicity that Switzo established. He already unofficially asked to be off his original team; when the season starts, he still has one official trade request. How am I so sure that whatever happened in Memphis will not happen in Philly? Therefore, despite how skilled that line will be, I believe there will be some issues down the line. 
5. Boston Celtics
This may be surprising to some because the users that are on the team are probably one of the best in the league; Macc really brought all of his friends, and all of his 2K Godz players. They are extremely skilled but the team they selected will only take them so far. Macc is one of the few people who I know can use Jayson Tatum efficiently; he either powers his way to the paint, or mastered the release timer on his fade which gives tatum a faster release compared to his original slow jumper. Outside of that, Jett, Wade, Dolo, and Devo are the the stars of the team. I think with how heavy the conference is, I do not think they will be fair well. If they had a better team, I think they could easily have made #1 in the conference. However, due to their negligence of a choice, they are stuck at the bottom in my opinion.

VFL SEASON 5 – GRADES / STEALS & REACHES

Congratulations to every team and player drafted in yesterday’s Season Five Draft. These are my opinions and critiques of the events that took place.. hopefully you enjoy- H ii G H 🙂

COLTS GRADE = B+

Groff heads into Season 5 with all the hype and all the smoke. Last season’s draft showcased a masterful creation of late round picks and high value snipes, that helped formulate three more than capable lines.

This season we focus on two draft picks. IBPROFAM was the catalyst behind the Packers game 7 SB win, but heavy lies the crown. He was taken 8th in the draft and was the second RB off the board, can he once again step up and live up to the hype???? ABLOODYPSTAIN is a VFL veteran that somehow someway fell to pick 52nd of the draft. With that selection, it puts him at the #18 WR off the board.. If you ask ANYONE, that seems like an awfully silly ranking for a player of his pedigree.

DOLPHINS GRADE = B-

The VFL’s Most Valuable Troll now sets his sights on ownership, but the true test will be usering the Miami Dolphins and their very MID player personal. Ebo is most certainty regarded as one of the league’s top players, but can he truly lead his team to the promise land?

Making that goal a little more challenging will be his two RB selections that are recent QB to RB conversions WOODY and ACCOUNTANT.

THE ACCOUNTANT was a top QB selection in Season 4, unfortunately he was also an intracule part of the Chargers downfall. WOODY is another QB blunder that is attempting to rewrite his script at RB this year.. Can these two get back on track this season with their new team??

EAGLES GRADE = B

WARPATH and ARIES teaming up together with quite possibly the most lethal NFL team this season? What’s not to like here, this is a no brainer folks. Things get interesting when you focus on two of their draft selections here. JPxPRODIGIE will be a good player this season. no one is heavily doubting that. The question is, was he worth the 9th selection/2nd WR off the board status?? It’s important to remember players like PRIMO RE and PSTAIN were selected 50th and 52nd. Next, we focus on their 34th selection KINGJON. This is hands down their best value selection of the draft, especially at RB/DL.

FALCONS GRADE = C-

GAMEGREEN comes into this season a more than determined Owner, with a lot big hopes and dreams. The GM decision of DIRTYFALCONS makes all the sense in the world, but did he fall short with his draft selections??

One selection that will certainly prove to be his best, was his 12th pick BLKSA1YAN. Now if you ranked every RB based on their running capability AND DEFENSIVE ABILITY, BLKSA1YAN might be the number one guy on said list. Unfortunately, from here is where his decision making can be possibly questioned.. Your main example of this would have to be his 17th selection QB MCCOY252. Now can this user win you football games, the answer is yes, kind of. Knowing how tough it is to user a player like Matt Ryan, especially compared to the QB MCCOY played with last season, does this selection provide more headaches or relief?? We shall wait and see!

WFT DRAFT GRADE = B

BEASTE will try and recreate his own version of the iconic Deflate Gate/Suspension of Tom Brady and will his way back into the Championship circle.

Off to a great start, he has combined forces with top players FUEGO and CHAMP. Right away, before even the league’s first game, that trio has put the league on potential notice.

Now we focus on his draft selections: It’s very straight forward, the QB selections of DTMXKOOLAIDZ and UNGLUEDTIGER could be looked at as questionable. Could one of these two become this year’s SACRIFICE (Unknown QB Gem) Late round draft selection?? BEASTE and company sure hope so.

RAIDERS DRAFT GRADE = A-

MR OHIO and DROC come into this season with very little hype, but all the optimism in the world. Last season it was the DROC show at Owner and man oh man was that sort of a blunder. When you wear a suit to your Owner interview, it sets a precedent that proved hard to live up to. Now a GM, will his new suit be a Gatorade covered birthday suit, as his Raiders pull off the improbable??!

Here’s how their draft shook out: Now we all remember the instant classic game 7 Superbowl win of last season. H ii G H coming down with back to back remarkable catches on the last drive to win the title, but do we remember SACRIFICE’S numerous questionable calls and random timeouts?? As the 3rd pick in the draft, there will be a special sense of pressure any player will deal with. Losing Aaron Rodgers/Davante Adams and starting fresh with an entire new line, can SAC truly live up to the hype?? Luckily the Saints attached to him another Superbowl winner in EZ BIG TY who was the absolute #1 QB of this seasons draft. Last, but not least: PRIMO RE should prove to be an excellent value selection at 50.

SAINTS DRAFT GRADE = A

The self proclaimed “Jake Paul” of the VFL, LUCKY sets his sights on a rebound season following his complete and utter failure of season 4. The good news is, LUCKY not only possibly won the team selection this season, but also receives our highest draft grade.

We start off with the only possible MEGA reach of his draft and that was his 7th selection of MOCARBONE. QB is tough, especially this draft with bringing back GM’s and Max bids, but I can’t be the only one to question this high selection. Now to the great parts: At selection 10 OUTAKER will always do his job and produce numbers, this could be one of the safest picks of the draft. At selection 37 and 44, you bring in two bonafide prime time players in KWAM3 and REDHOUR. These middle round picks always round out your team and typically add the finishing touches to a dominate line. Last, but not least: Your Season 5 “Mr Irrelevant” selection goes to XX713JACXX. A true drop the mic selection on a very underrated WR user.

STEELERS DRAFT GRADE = C+

SIR BOTTOMIS is switching roles with buddy BEACHMODE and trying his hand at Owner.. but will the switch up actually make a difference and pay off??

BOTTOMIS took a similar page out of BEACHMODE’S draft guide last season and took his friends WAY EARLIER than he should have. Now to be fair, last years winning owner GROFF has basically followed that same formula in back to back seasons, so that strategy can payoff big if you value line chemistry. The two selections were going to focus on here, are a complete night and day difference from each other. With the selection of BEACHMODE at 11, will there be a steep consequence of drafting a friend this early? Mind you, BEACH was a QB for a very talented team in LAC, but finished dead last in almost all statistics ever worth mentioning. Where things get more brighter was with his selection of BREESUSS at 27. Now it’s a little odd not seeing him at QB, but a user of this caliber will make an impact no matter where he lines up, this could end up being the steal of the draft!

PATRIOTS DRAFT GRADE = B+

FEAR comes into this season with some big names attached to his team, but also a lot of question marks.

For the most part his overall draft selections faired well, but taking a WR at the fourth selection and then following up that pick with QB’s like IPLAYERMAKER and IV EZAKIMAK could pose serious issues down the line. Now to possibly ease some of that pain, the selection of FOEMAC could be the exact medicine the doctor ordered.

BENGALS DRAFT GRADE = A+

This will be short and sweet: REALIST and ABYSS have created a team of IRBRADY, NORTHZIDE, NATECASH, DFEET, HUCCI, WHODAT. These are all super known, veteran VFL guys and when you consider they might possibly have the most explosive weapons offensively this season with the Bengals, I feel confident saying every team this season will be very nervous of potentially matching up with these guys in the playoffs.

The Eagles have (crash) landed

Now that the draft has concluded, I was asked for a season preview of the Eagles. Well it may be a season review already, because this shit might be cooked. Led be fearless leader Areis x21, the Eagles are potentially set to make history this season, but lets get into the players first.

Areis seen here after leaving the training facility

Areis and gm Hutch have played together for as long as this writer can remember, which isn’t very long but I digress. A great duo that is always counted on to put up some great stats, yes I can hear farah shouting bum hunting from here, they are going to be relied on to lead this team. Do they put up the monster win totals? More likely they put up a fat old goose egg, and Areis still is in the db of the year talk for some reason. Rounding out this line with King Jon, who I personally feel extremely sorry for, he will be expected to carry these two stat hounds on his back to victory.

Taking the if we can’t beat em, max bid em strategy, Areis max bid GrandpaWarpath. Probably not the smartest move since Areis was once known as saying “I just lost to something called a GrandpaWarpath, my career is over.” They paired him up with JPxProdigie, a man who rarely has had good qbs and im afraid it isnt going to start now. Rounding out this line is Goodfella, who reports are has had to be restrained in the locker room as he is like a horny teenager. Can JP make due with the Eagles menagerie of midget DBs? only time, or myself, will tell. (pst. the answers fuck no!)


Artist rendering of JP trying to tackle the saints mark ingram, normally a diminutive human

Line 3 in all reality is going to have to carry this team. Underrated league veteran Kdot will be harassing qbs and defenses alike as a rb/dl user. As one of the leagues better sack artists last year he should be excellent at getting Cox through the tightest of holes. Sneaking onto the team are Playstation players Slickthumbs (YSK till we die), and iclap. The team will probably miss week one after getting THE clap during our team bonding exercise, but these three guys may shock a few and ruin the 0-36 plan.

No one can predict a season outright, but i am awfully confident that this is a dumpster fire just waiting to be lit on fire, highlight of the season will probably be watching gen chat between Areis and whoever he’s arguing with today.